A Discussion Amongst Less Reasonable Countries
(the transcript of the NATO emergency meeting Saturday regarding America's statements of invading Greenland)
FRoNTWaRD
Man, I barely had time to get angry at NATO’s response because they had already solved their little dilemna around Greenland. So to save time, I found the secret transcripts of the unrecorded meeting which took place and transcribed them here.
I don’t know what Canada said but thanks to the Davos speech a few days later, I imagine it went a little like that. Plus, I believe America owes a LOT of money to a lot of countries in the world of Big Finance Money Markets, which is Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney’s jam. It’s also likely Carney’s knowledge of how money works was why he was ‘disinvited’ from paying $1 billion dollars to join America’s Peace Board.
This little canary lives on, but a lot haven’t. Please help be the change needed. Be stronger, America.
A Discussion Amongst Less Reasonable Countries
INT. SATURDAY: NATO EMERGENCY MEETING ROOM
‘Sup everybody?
Hey France,
Hey Britain.
Hola Norway.
Hola Can-
Hey everyone, let’s just skip the intros shall we. We need to discuss my whole Greenland issue. As you know our fellow NATO member the United States of America is-
Don’t worry about it, Denmark. We got you.
Do you?
Sure we do.
You didn’t get Venezuela.
Because this is NATO, not the UN. Those incompetent fuckers would have trouble finding Denmark on a map, much less Greenland.
Have they done anything since that emergency meeting?
Venezuela is actually pretty happy. They gave me the Nobel Peace Prize because I did the super-right thing in invading, killing a bunch of them and then kidnapping their President and replacing him with their vice president. She’s much prettier and apparently quite corruptible too.
Damn it. It’s America Who let America in?
I belong here. I created NATO. The A stands for America, always has, always will.
Fine, then let’s address this right away. America, you can’t have Greenland.
Yes I can. For America. Safety, communism, resources and all that.
No, it’s Denmark’s, always has been.
Has it though?
For NATO’s purposes, yes. Could you take your shoes off the table please.
Nah. Nope. No. Stop staring like that. I’m America. Fine. I will do it but only because I want to. I can do whatever I want, just look at Venezuela -wait, don’t look at Venezuela, they’re fine.
Wait, I’m still here, I’m here! Help me!
Hey, how did Venezuela get in here?
Because he’s with me now. Isn’t he cute?
That’s not how you get to enter NATO.
Yes it does because we areAmerica and so is Venezuela.
We seriously must object.
Hoo boy. Here’s Ukraine again. We told you, we’re working on it.
Right, it’s been 4 years of working on it, how’s it going on your end, NATO?
Now, that’s not fair, America has been keeping us quite preoccupied with other matters.
You bet they are. I’ve been in the fuckin’ queue since 2008.
And who are you again? You look familiar.
You can call me Epstein Files…Island.
How’d you get in here? You’re not a country.
I sort of am, America, by your own reasoning. I am you and you are me. I noticed you all stopped talking about me again.
Shut up Epstein Files Island. What about Great Britain? You want to take some responsibility here?
You can say we sort of did. The Prince in question is no longer a Prince.
What? How’d you do that?
We released a strongly worded letter to the newspapers.
That’s all?
Basically.
Wow. Thank me For America’s Fake News Industry, then. Look, I need Greenland so I can save America from the Chinese drugs and Mexican cartels and wealthy pedos, whoops. No, not pedos. No pedos there. Strike that from the record.
There’s no record of these meetings, America.
Smart. Well then you all can suck my big American balls then. I’m out of here.
Excuse me, may Canada say something?
Definitely. Canada has the floor.
But we should talk later, Canada.
I concur.
Poland! Germany! You both shut your damn mouths!
America, Canada has the floor.
No.
America, it’s time for the grown ups to talk about finances. You can either stay and listen to the adults or you may go play with your army toys.
No.
America, don’t make NATO say it again.
Fine. Venezuela, come with me.
But I…
Venezuela, you’re coming with me. I’m forming a new club and it’s going to be super awesome and it will bring peace and new construction contracts and stop all world wars in Palestine. I’m gonna call it the America Peace Bringers and we will win all the awards and-
Excuse me, who are all those countries shouting hooray outside the door?
It’s my new friends, the America Peace Bringers.
Argentina? Bahrain, Morocco, Pakistan and Turkey? They’re your new friends?
Does America even know where they are?
Shhh…the less we engage, the quicker he will leave.
-and it’s going to be an amazing club and you all have to pay 1 BILLION dollars to join it - not you guys, I’ll lend you the money - and we are going to do amazing things NATO, like create real American jobs for American and Israeli companies to rebuild Gaza. Let’s go meet Israel, you’re going to love them, real fun guys. They have this great plan for free train rides for Palestinians to go to this super cool camp in Somaliland, which will be like Disneyland but a lot closer. Guys? Guys?
Goodbye America. NATO would like to officially welcome Epstein Files Island to the organization. Thank you for joining. Canada, you have the floor.