The Mapmakers
by jay royston (circa 2018)
When the end of the world happened, few people realized the opportunities such an event provided to the International Cartographic Association. Unfortunately, due to the lack of technical communication, the world's cartographers split into smaller localized cells much like the other survivors of the various international guilds, franchises, associations, groups, etc.
The cartographers of Upper Alberta were no different than the thousands of other cartographers scattered throughout the globe. The more optimistic of them saw a great opportunity in the nuclear wasteland of Earth. Karmageddon was a giant eraser of cities, towns and most importantly, labels. If the cartographers couldn't actually explore the new world they could at least begin the task of bringing the world's geography into the New Age, complete with new names.
So it came to be with much discussion, debate, a few murders and a localized consensus, many place names were changed. Sadly, it would take awhile for the rest of the world to catch up.
Terry Oxford finished the roll call and turned the meeting over to this week's head chair; George Banner. Ever since the unfortunate incident of the Lower Alberta Cartographers the society determined the safest way forward was to rotate the head chair every meeting. The others agreed; nobody wanted to be murdered for doing what was originally only a passionate hobby.
George Banner flipped through the report, highlights of news which trickled in from the highways from refugees, scouts, explorers, and tourists. The problem with the fragmentation of what was once Canada was the increase of the independent territories.
"Who's running the Big Map today?" asked Banner, referring to the large map of what was previously Canada and still was, but only from the force of habit.
"Me," said Faith Stein.
"Okay, here's what we have. Down south, Lethbridge, High River and Pincher Creek are all being run by their town councils, rotating mayoral duties. Twin Butte has been renamed Two Hills. Banff has been renamed Trillview City. Appears a man by the name of Bob Triller has declared himself Mayor. He runs the big hotels up there but has now gone rogue."
Over at the Big Map, Faith diligently crossed off the word Banff and wrote Trillview City and in smaller letters added Bob Triller, Grand Mayor.
"Grand Mayor? Why not King?" asked Steve Lucas, formerly a cell phone repairman who long ago gone fishing permanently to concentrate on his real love, cartography. "If he's naming the town after himself he may as well. Is he running a monarchy, democracy, dictatorship?"
"Good point," said Banner, flipping the paper over, "it doesn't say. We will request clarification."
He continued on. "A region centered around Jasper has also declared autonomy and will answer to no government other than its own or a duly signed authority of the former federal parks board."
"And what is it called?" asked Faith, ready with her marker.
"Still Jasper. According to this update, the lady in charge is a Ms. Katherine."
"Well that’s exciting and all but the borders are vague. What should we do?"
"Let's say it goes out twenty kilometers in each direction until we get better details," suggested Banner.
Faith made a rough circle corresponding to twenty kilometers around the mountain town of Jasper. She wrote Ms. Katherine in the middle.
"I motion we call it Jasper Territory - sounds better than Jasper Park. Aye?" George turned to his fellow cartographers for a vote of approval.
A chorus of Ayes flowed around the room.
"Ayes have it. Jasper Park is henceforth Jasper Territory. Banff is henceforth Trillview City."
Terry Oxford dutifully wrote down the new names in the log. It was becoming quite large with notes and annotations. Some places were changing names every month. Briefly the Rocky Mountains was renamed the Devil's Fence until all agreed that the Rocky Mountains was a much better and apt description. The idea of a devil, or any type of worldly religious reference in geographic terminology was quickly being replaced. It was felt that, seeing as how the corner pins of all such religious terminology had been vaporized in the blasts, it was blasphemous and archaic to continue the practice.
"Another note here saying Spokane and area is confirmed gone. Contact made about 100 kilometers north with a band of survivors."
"That pretty much erases all of Washington, Idaho and Montana then, barring the Strip."
"Where's the Strip?" asked one of the newer members, a young man named Charles who came in from the east two weeks ago. He had contributed to the Post Apocalypse Facts Book that Regina, formerly the capital of Saskatchewan, was now called Capital City and Saskatchewan was now officially referred to as Rider Nation, in honor of their rabid football fanbase. He had clarified Saskatoon was still called Saskatoon and not Little Regina as had been reported earlier.
"The Strip is Highway 62, going south from what was formerly Lethbridge into Montana's Blackfeet Indian Reservation." George answered.
"Cough," said another long-term and anal member, Pamela Jenkins-Smyth.
"Right, by Blackfeet Indian Reservation I meant the new Chippewa Nation. Anyways, as far as we know, the Nation is still clean of radiation fall out. Those who escaped the United St-"
"Cough," repeated Pamela Jenkins-Smyth.
"Right. According to those who escaped the Forbidden Land-”
Gordie Bingler, the man who originally proposed the somewhat generic and cliché Sci-Fi designation, fist-pumped the air from his corner of the table, George Banner continued.
“-they report that the strip is still the safest route for news from the United, sorry, Forbidden Land."
George Banner continued reading from his notes.
"We’ve received a note saying Mt. Robson has been renamed Mt. Selfie, although no explanation has been given. Another note saying Prince George, formerly of the province of British Columbia has been renamed Caribou City, governing the entire Caribou region, borders close to the original designations pre-blasts. No explanation given of the governing body’s make-up." Banner flipped the page, "And one more. Odd, this. There’s been word that a section of the Rocky Mountains has been contaminated by nuclear fall-out.
“In the Rockies?”
“Apparently, centered on the small village of Wee Danpot.”
“Sounds familiar,” said one.
“Yes, they had that big fire there a few months ago. Terrorists exploded the town factory or something. It gutted the town.”
A few nodded their heads, remembering news back when anything was news.
“Anyways, apparently the road has been blocked off, guards stationed turning traffic around.”
“Guards? Like the army?” asked George.
Terry scanned his notes.
“No word, just that the road is closed due to nuclear fall-out.”
“Well, okay then. I will make a motion that we show that area as being impassable.”
“And Wee Danpot?”
“Let’s erase it from the map. Put an asterisk beside it. Maybe we will put a memorial up or something.”
“Seconded. All for?”
The ayes carried the motion.
It was a good day. The new map of the world was taking shape. And with shape came order and with order, the return of civilization.
And in the mountains, the town of Wee Danpot prepared for the coming Nuclear Winter.
BackWord
This was/is (?) written perhaps in 2018, as I was fleshing out the idea for Karmageddon being a series of short stories centered after the events of Enter A Fistful of Marijuana, itself centered on the imaginary, cannabis-growing town of Wee Danpot. Spoiler Alert, the fire mentioned was the climax of the novel. I must have been explain-writing why nobody would go to Wee Danpot after the Apocalypse, despite its desirable location and free weed (I wrote EaFoM before marijuana was legalized in 2018).
It was also likely partially a response to the renaming of many mountains and lakes to more traditional names (which we would now be calling Cancel Culture) and I thought it was just a low-key effort to create more work for government cartographers.
I liked how I included Rider Nation in there. If you’re Canadian, the joke needs no explanation. I also like Gordie Bingler pumping his fist about renaming the USA The Forbidden Lands.